The Reunion

So, before you go, was there something I could have said to make your heartbeat better?
If only I have known you had a storm to weather.
So, before you go
Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?
It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless.

Lyrics by Lewis Capaldi

In a random series of events, a woman booked a room in the same hotel where her high school reunion was taking place. The woman never received an invitation because her life was chaotic and she was always moving, her address was always changing, so the invitation was returned to the original sender.

The woman spent the night in her hotel room enjoying the peace and quiet and feeling appreciative of having time to meditate and reflect on her next moves.

The next morning the woman stepped out for coffee in the hotel lobby, and she noticed a familiar face. She recognized one person, then two, and so on. She realized the faces were those of her high school peers.

At first, the woman avoided saying hello to the familiar faces. She was trying to figure out how so many people from her same high school class could be under one roof, and what a coincidence it was that she was there too.

Suddenly, the woman was recognized. Although she felt startled and a bit shaken, she took the opportunity to ask what was going on in the hotel. Her former classmate told her they were having a high school reunion and they do it all of the time. Her peer told her the events are always organized by the team called IQ. The leader of the IQ team was Carol.  

The woman instantly shook her head and said, “Yes, that makes sense. Carol has never been able to let go of high school!”

Her classmate disagreed with her comment and replied, “No we all attend regularly, we love it! In fact, we often spend the summers vacationing together too. Now that we are adults, the IQ team will suggest a political theme and we enjoy discussing how we all share the same opinions about the topic.  

The woman instantly felt nauseous. She felt a ping of jealousy and resentment. However, her curiosity got the best of her so she asked if she could peek into the event, and she was granted access.

As she walked through the rooms, she recognized everyone from her high school. People were socializing in groups in the same cliques they established in high school, and other brave peers were milling about and fitting in just fine.

The woman began asking random peers if they enjoyed the experience and they expressed with sincere passion how much they looked forward to these events. The woman started to feel that nauseous feeling again, with a ping of jealousy and a stronger sense of resentment. However, she quickly replaced her uncomfortable sensation with rational thinking, remembering that she does not agree with most of her peers on their value choices.

For a minute, the woman felt nostalgic and considered reframing her thinking. As she scanned the room, she was seeing with her own eyes how much she was missing out on and she began convincing herself to stay. Then just as she finished her thought, one of her peers (whom she never liked in school), asked her about the salacious details of her past that occurred after graduation. She became defensive, suggesting she has always felt misunderstood and did not appreciate her peers gossiping her behind her back.

Suddenly the woman came face to face with the leader of the IQ team. Carol told the woman she was welcome to stay in the main room, but they would need to take over her private hotel room for the reunion. Again, she felt stifled by nausea, a ping of jealousy, and even more resentment. She felt speechless and gut-punched.

“The woman yelled back, “You have always judged me, made me feel inferior to you, gossiped about me behind my back, and now you want to take away my hotel room?  It is so typical that you can make me feel so worthless in an instant!”

The IQ team laughed and dismissed her feelings. One of the woman’s best friends had joined the IQ team so they no longer spoke. The woman remembered how much she missed that friendship, but she knew it was over and would never return. The IQ team followed through and took over her room, leaving her personal items outside of the door.

The woman sat on the floor clinging to her belongings feeling overwhelmed with nausea, a ping of jealousy, and an overbearing sense of resentment.

The woman realized she would never be able to join in these reunion gatherings. She was technically a part of the graduated class, but never a part of the social group. She felt invisible, slightly bullied, and tremendously rejected. She wondered why she was so different and could not fit in. She was aware she would say the wrong thing at the wrong time leaving her feeling humiliated, and was never defended by anyone in her class. No one stepped up as her advocate. She felt totally alone. Her ex-husband was part of the group. He was somewhere within the walls of the event, but she knew he would not defend her. He has always been a part of the group and he was not going anywhere. He was never really on her side even when they were together.

As she left the hotel, she angrily ripped down the decorations in a fit of rage. The IQ team reminded her they have cameras and would not hesitate to prosecute. Her rage was overwhelming, and she was so nauseous that this time she finally threw up. Her feelings of jealousy and resentment overtook her reasoning. She fell to the ground and started to scream. She could hear the chatter of her peers talking about her and laughing. They were glad she was leaving.

She wanted someone to comfort her or call out and tell her to wait, ask her to stay, but no one did. So she left the venue and continued on with her life.

Occasionally on social media the woman would recognize invitations for another event or notice pictures from a past event and she would feel nauseous with a ping of jealousy and a lot of resentment. She wished her life could have been different. She wished she was able to fit in and feel comfortable among her peers, but she also realized time was passing by and her dreams were simply fantasies.  She decided to lean into her discomfort and write down her story so that others may benefit from their own sense of feeling like an outcast.  

The End